just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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