Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
