My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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