Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
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