She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Randomize
