My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
