so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
