Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
