I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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