Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
