i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
