Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
