people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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