your room smells of hookers.
And success
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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