LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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