It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
