i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
