Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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