So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
