Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
