wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
