I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
