if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
