Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
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