remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
dude. I can hear the air.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
