ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
