Soap is not a condiment
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
