***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
