It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
