I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
