I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
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