my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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