haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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