I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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