then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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