I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
