Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Randomize
