I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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