Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
