Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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