he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
