So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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