She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
