ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
