When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
