No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
