hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
