After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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