My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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