WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
