I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
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you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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