ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
