My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
