I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
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Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
God I need to hump something, right now.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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