Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
