ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
