Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i just had sex bonerless
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
