can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Randomize
