it hurts more in the daytime
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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