drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize