my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
