The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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