My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
