I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
