so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
