Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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