Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
